People don’t talk to me. Or let me clarify, strangers don’t talk to me. They talk to the people I’m with when I’m out, but usually not to me. I think part of it is my, “Leave me the fuck alone sign,” that I used to carry around. I’ve written about it before, and no, it’s not a real sign. It was simply a fear of other people. It got to a point where I didn’t want to talk to them. I wanted them to leave me alone because I was shy and didn’t know what to say to them, so I put off the “leave me alone” vibe. And they did.
I’m also kind of shy, and can be a little naive. Oddly, I’m OK with that. If I had been less shy I think I would have gotten into more trouble when I was growing up. At least around women. Along with noting people didn’t talk to me, women don’t hit on me. People tend not to believe me when I say that, but I can think of less than a dozen times that women have hit on me. And really only 5 or 6 that were overt enough for me to notice. Like the time I spoke to a woman who had a shop at the local farmers market. After talking for a few minutes about life as she brewed some tea for me, she wrote her phone number on the back of her business card and handed it to me. I said thank you, grabbed my tea, smiled and walked away. At the time, I thought it was odd she didn’t have her business number printed on her cards, that it must be a pain to have to write it down all the time. It wasn’t until 5-10 minutes later I realized what had happened. Yep, I’m quick.
While that shyness was all encompassing when I was younger, I’ve mostly gotten over it. Now it only crops up when I’m around a woman I’m attracted to. Yay me.
Years ago someone told me he was nervous to talk to me when he first met me. This from a successful man about 10 years older than I. The reason he gave me for being nervous was that I didn’t talk that much, nor did I smile a lot. I’ll be honest, what he told me threw me off a little. I’ve never been the most out going person, I’m definitely more introverted, but I thought I was approachable. I thought I was approachable because I felt like a nice person on the inside, and who wouldn’t want to talk to a nice person? It was an eye opening experience.
In the end, that was a lesson of how people experience me. I try to smile more now, it’s simply another part of being self aware. I also try to laugh and joke with people, to try and put them at ease. Even when I’m too uncomfortable to talk, I try to smile more. To put off the happy-but-quiet-guy vibe. I think I do a good job of it. Then again, maybe they simply think I have no clue what’s going on. And they may be right…