I’m leaning against the windows in terminal C at the Phoenix airport. The morning sun is pouring in and I can feel it’s warmth against my skin. It’s a little too warm, I begin to sweat. I don’t care. After a cold Chicago winter I feel like I need the sun. I feel it push past the physical boundaries of my body. That spark within me, the one that has been dimmed for far too long, begins to flare up. My soul begins to come alive.
Life Today – 500 Words a Day – Day 25
Hmmm, what to write today? I kinda feel like I’ve already opened with that line, but oh well. Had a good day with my son today, got a few minutes of acro in. All in all a good day. Oh, and saw a pretty cool thundershower roll by. I absolutely love thunderstorms, I’m not sure why. Maybe because I grew up in the midwest. Maybe because I just find them to be a beautiful display of mother nature. I do know that for the 11 years I spent in Sand Diego, thunderstorms were one of the things I missed the most. I mean San Diego does get rain, if not a lot, but they don’t get a lot of thunderstorms. I think I heard thunder about once a year while I was out there and I can only think of twice where the thunder was right over head. Also, last week I was sitting out on a rooftop in downtown Chicago and watched another storm roll in. You could watch the lightning getting closer and closer, as the rain slowly started to fall. It was definitely cool to kick back, drink a beer and just watch mother nature do her thing. I think I connected with nature in a totally different way when I lived in San Diego. There are so many things that I miss about it, but there are also so many things about Chicago that I missed when I lived out there. It feels like I have two homes, and maybe it always will. I know there’s also a part of me that doesn’t want a home, that would like to roam from place to place, see the world, to be free. Admittedly, in the past I’d have to say a big part of that desire came from escapism, but now…not so much. Now, I just think of the experiences to be had, the people to meet, the places to see. And some solitude as I move in between places. Is that still escapism? I don’t think so. And looking at it right now, maybe it wasn’t so much back then either. Maybe it was just what my soul cried out for and since I didn’t honor that part, I judged it for something that it wasn’t. I remember going to a Grateful Dead show one year, and I loved it. I already loved the music and the shows, but something really struck me that year. The way the Dead heads appeared to be like family to one another. The freedom it seemed like they had. The love and peace that I felt. I decided then that I wanted to follow them, that’s what I wanted to do with my life. For a few reasons, that never materialized, it just wasn’t my path. I think it’s very fitting that they are playing again this year, in a year where I feel like I’ve begun to get some of that peace and connection to nature back, some of what I felt all those years ago. Now, in no way do I want to follow them again, even if I could. There are too many other things I want to do in life that are important to me, not to mention my son. But it is food for thought.
Time – 500 Words a Day – Day 9
I wish I had more time in my day/life. Though, in reality, I’m not sure that would help. I have a tendency to fill up my days with things I have to do rather than things I want to do. On the one hand, that kinda seems like what life is, and that I should simply accept that. On the other hand, I don’t accept it at all. I feel like there is a way to design my life so that I can do what I want when I want. That said, here’s a snap shot of a perfect day for me. I wrote most of this a few weeks ago as part of a business planning exercise. It’s a work in progress, and I think it will always be a work in progress. I know a year ago this would have looked much different. Actually, it looked different a few weeks ago since I went and changed some things today. That’s partly me because I change what I like/want. And partly because I know more about what’s possible.
To be honest, I kinda want to do a perfect week, because I don’t want to do the same thing day in, day out. I’ve done that for a long time now and I pretty much hate it. It feels like it’s slowly killing my soul. But I think I’ll have to get to that later. So here goes…
I wake up at …… a little after the sun rises. I meditate for a while and have some tea. Relaxing in my loft, I look out over the city. I walk 5 minutes with my dog, Remy, to my holistic health center, Revel Living, where I take one of the morning yoga classes. Tomorrow morning I’ll be going over details of the center with my partner, and planning the next weekend seminar at Revel’s retreat/organic farm in Michigan. We’ll also discuss plans for the yearly retreat to San Diego.
This morning, however, is dedicated to writing for my blog. I’ll also spend some time developing my curriculum for the 12 week couple’s series that starts next month. It’s about how to deepen trust and communication in a relationship.
I see clients in the afternoon, from about 1-6 today. This varies since I head out to the ‘burbs some days for dinner with my son. For today, I use several different techniques, some meditation and yoga, but I also pull out the kickboxing pads to use with one of my clients. I find he talks better when a good workout is added to the therapy session. Remy also comes in handy today, as he works his therapy dog magic with another client.
This evening I spend a couple hours working on the choreograph with my acro partner for our next performance. My evenings do vary. Sometimes I do Muay Thai workouts at the gym down the street. Other times I spend dinner with my son. I get to bed around ten, excited for what comes tomorrow. While I’m always excited for the next day, I especially am today because tomorrow is Friday and I always take Friday’s off.
Coming Home to Winter
This weekend, for the first time since I moved back after spending 11 years in San Diego, Chicago felt like home. Put simply, it was really nice. A big part of this feeling came from attending a Winter Ball. I attended a ball. Sounds strange to me to say those words, but that’s what I did.
There was no particular dress code for the ball, other than to wear white and express yourself. A small problem was that I have no white clothes. It’s a color I just don’t wear. Sooo, I had a little shopping to do. Fortunately, my date for the night was willing to help me out with my clothing selection. I had an idea for a shirt to wear, and she ok’d that part, but it was really the pants she suggested that got me out of my comfort zone. I don’t generally wear anything quite that tight. Or striped.
At this point I do feel that I should explain a little about my current journey in life. Particularly with clothes. I’ve always gone for comfort, which means jeans and a t-shirt. So much so, that my ex called it my “uniform.” I was ok with that, I didn’t stand out and I didn’t need to think too much about what I wore. Also, I didn’t care too much for society’s “expected dress code.” I’ve always thought that dressing up and looking “good” was confining and boring. My journey from that idea to the idea of being able to wear clothes that express who I am, while still looking professional, started back in San Diego. While my clothing selection may not have been “professional” on Saturday night, it certainly was a step in the right direction for self expression.
So I got ready and met my date at her place. She was happy to see that I was already dressed in the clothes that she had helped pick out earlier in the day. In particular, she expressed her appreciation for the tight pants (who knew??). As I waited for her to finish getting ready, I enjoyed a fine bourbon barreled ale and got some ideas from one of her roommates for touch ups to what I was wearing.
My date finished getting ready and came out, her white skirt and top was a beautiful contrast against her skin and dark hair. Her silver necklace glimmered in the light, but it was her smile that lit up the room.
We decided to call an Uber, since we knew we would be having a few drinks and it was snowing so heavily. Arm-in-arm we stood outside, waiting for the car to pick us up. I was wearing a black coat over my white clothes, while she was dressed all in white, from her head to her feet. The snow was collecting in our hair as she smiled up at me, and that was the moment I finally felt at home. That Chicago was once again my home.
We arrived at the ball, and walked inside. The space was beautifully decorated…in white, of course. There was also soft, colored lighting throughout the place. The people were amazing to look at, as well. Seeing everyone dressed in white was so cool. Everywhere you looked there were white skirts, pants, shirts, tops, hats and more. And even though I was a little uncomfortable in my tight, striped, pants, it was definitely the right call to wear them. I’ll admit, it helped that I received a random compliment on them within five minutes of arriving.
The ball was a bit of a whirlwind, but here are some of the highlights. I already mentioned the people, and my date knew many of them. I didn’t move more than a few feet at a time without meeting someone new. Everyone was great, and I always enjoy meeting great people.
To add to that, the music was incredible and so much fun to dance to. One of the DJ’s even sang live over the music, and her voice was beautiful. It was especially fun to watch my date dance, as she moves through space so gracefully. The performances were great, with fire-spinning and aerial silks being just two of the performances. I also tried absinthe for the first time, which was good, but I’m still not sure about. The whiskey bar, on the other hand, was awesome. I got to try an amazing, smoky scotch that really blew me away. I’ll admit to finishing it after my date had just a sip or two, but she’s so tiny, and I didn’t want to force alcohol on her. So, really, I was just thinking about her as I enjoyed that yumminess myself.
Unfortunately, we showed up after dinner was over, so I can’t comment on the food. However, the peanut M&M’s we snagged late at night were divine. They were truly the best M&M’s I’ve ever eaten.
Although we left the ball late (or early, depending on your point of view), there were still plenty of people ready to talk and dance the rest of the night away. We got into the car to leave, and on the way home we spoke about the night and how much fun we had. The snow was coming down hard, and would continue to do so for a while, but even still, I realized it’s great to be back home in Chicago.