I’m a little late to this round of 500 words a day for 30 days. I want to lie and say I’ve been writing, that I’ve been keeping up and I just haven’t been posting. And while I did write once in my journal (it may even have been 500 words) I certainly haven’t been “keeping up.” My writing has been waning for a while now, both personally and what I post. I’ve been having a block and that block is starting my new website. I have tons of things I want to add to it, but I just keep on piling up ideas and never fleshing them out, and certainly not starting the website. At least I bought the domain and month ago or so, so that’s started. RevelLivingTherapy.com coming soon.
I try not to get down on myself, but that’s part of the problem. Years ago I would get down on myself so much I hated myself. I thought about killing myself most days for 15 years. I’m way past that now, but one way I did was to give myself a “break” and trying to “accept myself as I am.” These are good and worthy things. The issues comes when that is the default. See, I’ve allowed myself to become lazy. Shoot, who am I kidding, I’ve always been lazy. I guess that’s one of the things I need to accept about myself. So knowing that, what do I do?
Put a schedule, of sorts in place. Focus on what I want and where I want to be, on what I love. Focus on being loving to myself. That last part was huge for me in learning to get over self hate. The question I started asking myself was, “Is this loving to myself”? That really helped whenever that internal struggle to do something unhealthy came up. And so now I’ll use it to add healthy behaviors into my life, rather than just remove unhealthy ones. So I guess this is my commitment 500 Words a day for the next 30 days.
I’m going to add to that 30 days of working out. As I said, I’ve gotten lazy, and my body doesn’t like it. I woke up at 5:15 am this morning. In pain. There’s always some level of pain in my body these days. I have back issues from hyperlordosis and neck issues from a flattened out cervical spine. Then there’s my right shoulder pain from swimming and wrist pain from lack of flexibility. I also have a heel spur on my right foot, knee pain in my left knee and, my most recent acquisition, right hip pain from a partial dislocation. These are all issue stemming from not caring for myself. And it’s not that I don’t exercise, although I don’t do it as often as I used to. I believe most of it is from not warming up properly and not doing enough to balance out my body when the activities I do tend to focus on one side of the muscle groups (hello, acroyoga).
So here I am, recommitting. The 500 words a day is a good reminder to me to get out and do something. It’s 6:30 this morning and I’ve already done a quick stretch and written this. Here’s to a productive rest of the day, too.