I’ll be honest, I don’t want to write today. And the thought of having to write 500 words seems insurmountable. I intellectually know it’s not, apparently I’m just in a funk. But fuck it, I’m doing it. It’s weird, I’ve been thinking about this all day and been putting it off. I decided earlier, that I would wait until my son was asleep and then write, so that’s what I’m doing. And no it’s all bull shit. Weird, but I’ve been anxious about it, too. My stomach feels like there’s worms crawling around inside, trying to get out one way or another. I’m stressed. SO funny that something that is in reality, bullshit, could be something I could get so stressed out over. But I think it’s more than that. I set out to do something, and I do think it’s important. Not because of people who might judge me for stopping, but because I want to prove something to myself. I’ve always been one to do what I want, regardless of what other people think. Scratch that. What most people think. In reality I have a hard time being myself and doing what I want when Im in a relationship. When that happens I tend to think too much of hat the other person does, says, thinks. I do less of what I want and more of what I think they want. Just in my nature. Fuck, only 216 words so far…well, more now. I love that my blog counts them for me. That makes it a lot easier for me. My dog just poked his nose out from between the curtains to where my bed is. I’m going to use that pic for this blog post. I think it’s cute. Maybe that will get some people to read this blog. Bait and switch. Hahahaha. To all who got sucked into reading this BS because of a cute pic, my apologies. 318 words now. I really am feeling uninspired right now. So you get to read a BS journal entry instead of a useful blog. There I go, judging myself for what I’m putting out there. I don’t like to do that, it’s not helpful in any sense of the word, nor do I feel it’s healthy. Guess that’s another area I need to work on. So, somewhat of a topic change, but tomorrow I will do a better job. God. Scary to say, to put out there. Today my excuse was that I have my son, that I get so little time with him that I’d rather spend it with him that doing a stupid “experiment.” There’s some truth to that, but there’s also more to it. How many times do I come up with a good “excuse?” How many times do you? It’s easy to find excuses to not do the things we want. Its harder to follow through on things that are beneficial but not urgent. So here I am, writing. Tomorrow is a new day, and today is done. 501.
Sex, Intimacy, Relationships
