Commitment. What does that word actually mean? It’s kinda weird to think about, but it’s late, I’m tired, I know I need to get a good night’s sleep in order to get up in the morning and have a great day at work. Which is also going to be a draining day. But here I am, slaving away at the computer writing this tripe. So I guess you could say I’m committed.
I remember thinking about commitment a long time ago. I was in an unhappy marriage, but I stayed because I was committed. I thought, what other things are people committed to? The first two things that came to mind? Prison and mental hospitals. Guess that’s where I was at that time. Oh well.
By the way, I really was tempted to just write “f” 500 times again. I still might finish with that. Just saying’. And apparently I really like to say “just saying.'”
I was telling a friend earlier today that I have no idea how to date. I always seem to get it backwards. I meet someone I like, we talk, hook-up and eventually get around to going on a date. It’s not that we don’t get to to know each other along the way, but the technical “date” usually doesn’t happen for a few months. And, except for a brief stint into the online dating world, I’ve only asked one woman out on a date with the intention of getting to know her better.
Back to not knowing how to date. It’s weird, I know how to work on a relationship, crap, I’m a couples therapist, but the dating thing perplexes me. I remember thinking that I just wasn’t going to date anyone, that I’d just meet people and see if they wanted to hang out. I have this idea that’s the best way to do it. I don’t know. I do know that if I had to meet someone by going up to a complete stranger and asking them out on a date, then I’d be single for the rest of my life. That’s too much pressure for me. I’d just stand in front of the woman and be able to force about three words out before she called the cops to get the creepy guy away from her.
So I here I sit writing, about commitment, because I feel committed to write. I guess that works. I know when I write, I often try and do take aways, what have I learned. I haven’t done that a lot since I started the 500 words a day thing, but that’s ok. I do feel like the writing is getting easier, the commitment is getting stronger.
I started to listen to podcasts in the morning. My drive to work is fuck long and I finally got sick of my music. And I won’t listen to the drivel on the radio. So podcasts it is. I’ve listened to some really great ones in the past few days and I find it’s a good way to start my day. I suppose the next step would be to get up a little earlier to write in the morning so I’m not doing it at fucking midnight…