Another day to write and blog. Another day of bullshit. And I wanted to capitalize the bullshit part. Not sure why. I can journal, I can blog, but I feel like I need to journal about something worthwhile, something earth shattering. What is it about me that wants to do that? That isn’t satisfied with less? It’s a judgement on myself, that’s for sure. Could that also be a self victimization? Possibly. It’s also a lack of self acceptance. To do something, and not be OK with doing it where you are at in life, is a lack of self acceptance. So what would radical self acceptance look like?? I have no idea. The idea sounds great, and I feel like I’ve been able to have some sort of self acceptance in my own life. But what does it mean to truly accept yourself for who you are? I’ve heard it said that the toughest thing in life is to discover who you truly are. And the next toughest is to accept that. I feel I understand that, and believe it. It’s been a tough journey to get where I’m at, but it’s been good one. Part of my journey has been being interrelationships with people who don’t accept me for who I am. Either I’m too nice, too passive, too old, or too what?? I don’t know, seems like there’s always something. In the end maybe too worried about not being in a relationship and accepted for who I am. Well, it’s been true so far, so I guess that’s not an unfounded fear. It does tell me something about myself, but I think that’s for another post. So where was I?? Acceptance. No judgement, but I realized that for the first four days of this experiment I titled everything a little different. Now that I’ve come up with a way that I like, my light OCD wants me to go back and “correct” the titles that I’ve done so far. Is that stronger than the “fuck it” part of my personality? Who knows? Looks like that’s TBD. And look at me, I wrote “TDB” instead of spelling it out. If I really wanted to use up words and have to write less I would have said “To be determined.” Ha! See what I did there? I knew I couldn’t get one over on you…
Soooooo, no idea where I’m t or where I’m going. I have realized that yoga hasn’t been a part of my life for the past few months. I don’t like that. I need yoga in my life for a variety of reasons. Which means I need to find a way to get start doing it again. Part of the reason is my job. I love the job but the commute I now have is an hour minimum, and two hours at the wort. So basically I spend 12 hours a week in my car. That fucking sucks for someone who feels live/work balance is extremely important. And that really cuts down on the workouts I would like to do. Don’t get me wrong, I still do acro yoga several times a week. It’s an awesome workout, but it’s not yoga, it’s not kickboxing. I love it, but I love, and need other things join my life. That’s an interesting thought. How do we make time in our schedules to do the things we love? I feel like I love so many things and I end up dabbling. I’m a jack of all trades, but master of none. In some respects I’m OK with that. I appreciate being interested in a lot of different things. I just wish I had time to do them all. How to figure that out…